Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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