New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
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He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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