im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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