i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
