I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
