There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm determined to sit on that face.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
