3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
