like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
