she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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