mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i barfeds in our rink
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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