and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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