im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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