as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
