omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
