He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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