So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
