this beer tastes like vomit already
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My pussy is not your playground.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
