Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
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He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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