Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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