You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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