Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
