She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
