I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
