had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
