Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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