I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
