Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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