how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
