and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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