This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
