You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
