I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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