Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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