none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
