We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
