I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
