we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
