i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She made me pour olive oil on her.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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