Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
