BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
