Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
