Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
