if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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