So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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