just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
