She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
