She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
