bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
