You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
