That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
