life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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