ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
