He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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