no, he came in my armpit
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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