You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize