I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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