see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
