i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
