I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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