we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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