why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
