I wish I could punch you in the face.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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